So Blue
So, have any crying spells while you were pregnant? Did you feel sad all of a sudden and then have to cry it out? Did you feel weird about it, guilty, or confused? Well, I have a little secret to share with you, it doesn't always stop after pregnancy. Some women , like myself, develop the Baby blues others can go into a deeper blues they can't shake also known as postpartum depression (I've had this as well).
I remember with my first child feeling like I didn't belong in the hospital. I had my baby and I wanted to go home. I had absolutely no desire to attend the so very corny class on taking home your baby, but I went anyways. While there waiting for the class to start I distinctly remember this really pretty new mommy that had a glow radiating from her face. I swear she wore a glowing crown around her head. She had a permanent smile on her face as she gazed at her baby then to her husband/partner. I really wanted to feel this but I couldn't. I wanted to sit there and cry my heart out. Why? Why did I feel so blue? Why couldn't I feel happy and great? Why couldn't I wear a damn glowing crown on my head? I wanted my glowing crown but I just couldn't force myself BUT I could force myself not to cry. So I sat and watched a nurse teach us all how to place a diaper on a baby and listened to her lecture us on the right temperature to bathe our baby in. The whole time I stared at glowing mommy who was oblivious to my stare.
Once we were home I immediately took a nap and rested with my new baby. I knew I needed rest due to a very long, sleepless and stressful night with this new colicky and screaming baby. When we woke up I went downstairs and a little later visited with my best friend. My 2 year old niece who was very used to my attention was there as well. While visiting with my friend, my niece wanted me to put my baby away and play but I was in no shape to get up and play with her and she did not like this at all and started to cry. While her mother was trying to explain the situation to her the cry became even deeper and painful. When I saw this I broke down and the flood came down my face. I wept and then cried for several minutes and I could not stop. My body shook and my throat choked. I cried a uncontrollable cry I had never cried in my adult life before. My heart also felt the bluest it had in a long while. I forced myself to look the other direction and then eventually the startled look on my best friend's face made me laugh. I broke out into a laugh and my best friend joined me later asking if I was okay. I had experienced a really weird overwhelming wave of emotions. Crazy hormones! The baby blues.
The baby blues usually don't last very long, it can last up to a couple of days. The wave of emotions come and go and eventually you shake it and go on with motherhood. If you can not shake the emotions and it persists then it is considered postpartum depression. The symptoms of postpartum depression are: Loss of interest or pleasure in life, Loss of appetite, Less energy and motivation to do things, A hard time falling asleep or staying asleep, Sleeping more than usual, Increased crying or tearfulness, Feeling worthless, hopeless or overly guilty, Feeling restless, irritable or anxious, Unexplained weight loss or gain, Feeling like life isn't worth living, Having thoughts about hurting yourself, and Worrying about hurting your baby. If you are going through any of these symptoms then please talk to someone and get help. There are ways to cope and deal with postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is treated much like any other depression. Support, counseling and medicines can help. To read more on postpartum depression
check it out here. If you have no one to speak to then lean on your doctor, church, or women's groups:local or online (check out connecting moms to find other mommies to connect with that have experienced the same emotions as you). Postpartum depression can be treated. You are not alone.
To all mommies: lean on eachother and love, help eachother and teach, support one another and grow strong.
Transitioning to our new lives
Evie